NOW AVAILABLE: REVENGE-ARONI

Featured

Revenge-aroni CoverSix months ago, Thor, the former Norse God of Thunder – along with the motley crew of political clones and cyborgs and psychic squirrels he calls his friends – saved the world. And, in a wholly unprecedented move, this time the world stayed saved.

The frozen head of Walt Sidney is not happy about that. Like, at all.

The bodiless businessman has pit his two top men against each other and sent them after the group, in a contest to see who can out-murder who. Because vengeance is a dish best served lukewarm and out of a can, heated over the smoldering remains of your enemies. Also, vengeance should be eaten with an officially licensed Lindsey Louse Spearin’ Spork for maximum vengeance-ing.

The fourth book in the EXPONENTIAL APOCALYPSE series, REVENGE-ARONI is smart, vulgar, and quite simply and with absolutely zero hyperbole, the single best post-apocalyptic book about borderline inept, mercenary heroes you will ever read. Filled with gallows humor and inventive swearing and run-on sentences, as well as sex, drugs, violence, and blatant attacks on artisanal coffee, REVENGE-ARONI will surely be looked back on as the piece of literature that saved humanity from both itself and the inevitable uprising of homicidal crab-people.

REVENGE-ARONI is available as a paperback or in a variety of e-copies from the fine retailers below. Or a local store of yours! Just ask and they should be able to look the book up.

Amazon
Google
Smashwords

World Enough and Time

About three weeks ago my Twitter serial “World Enough and Time” was published by the wonderful 7×20. I’ve embedded it in it’s entirety below.

I kinda based Ada on the myth of the sluagh, and I think knowing that adds a little extra sadness to the story, but your call if you want to read what’s at the link.

Also – and maybe a little obviously if you’re a fan of classical English poetry – “world enough and time” (and the middle tweet, kinda) is lifted from “His Coy Mistress” by Andrew Marvell. Of course, his poem is about a dude really wanting to bang a lady who isn’t that into him, while mine’s about an old man inviting death in the form of his lost love. I’ll let you decide who gets to keep the claim to the title from here on out.

History Lesson: Paul Revere

Paul Revere was a famous American drunk and exhibitionist who lived during the height of the Revolutionary War. He is best remembered for stealing a horse and riding through the streets of Boston in the middle of the night, pants on his head and ass in the air, screaming incomprehensibly about invading Communists and their death rays and armored zeppelins.

Because Colonial Americans didn’t have cable or reliable Wi-Fi and relied mainly on poets to get their news, and also because it was really, really dark out, Revere was incorrectly attributed with creating the first mobile public address system, a contraption built from pots and pans and a complete disregard for the fact that people were trying to sleep, God damn it. While hurriedly trying to file a patent on the invention before William Dawes, another colonial loudmouth, could take proper credit, Revere met office clerk Sarah Orne. The two were married that evening in Niagara Falls, after Sarah’s shift ended, flying there in Revere’s single-engine Cessna and performing the ceremony themselves, in a barrel, as it went over the falls.

Shortly after this famous “Midnight Bride,” Paul Revere put down the better part of a quart of whiskey, fell into a pond, and was frozen into a six-foot-tall ice cube. Found almost two centuries later by the Incredible Hulk, Paul Revere joined the Avengers, got a naive teenager killed, punched Hitler in the face, and then won the Vietnam War with nothing but his dashing good looks. He retired from crime-fighting soon thereafter, moving to a nice place in the country and founding an orphanage in Buenos Aires for heroin-addicted kittens.

Sadly, Revere was assassinated by a Skrull sniper just days after the ground-breaking. He was two hundred and forty years old.

Things Are Happening

So, first off, thanks to Eunoia Review for accepting “Scheherazade” for publication. The story was previously only available in the Storybook Romance chapbook, but now you can read it by clicking here! It’s about a special kind of Jersey-specific traffic (maybe New York too) and how sometimes good things happen when you least expect it.

Speaking of good things, my play “Bagel” has been accepted into the The 2nd Seven by the Fusion theatre company. Fusion is a local group that runs an annual, national contest called The Seven, with the seven winners’ plays being fully produced here in Albuquerque. I came in 8th. But that’s OK! Because the second group of seven plays get a public reading of their plays. That’s scheduled for June 13, time and location still to come.

And speaking of time and location, the one and only Revenge-aroni book launch is happening on Sat. June 18th, noon to 2 p.m., at the Kosmos at Factory on 5th!

Revenge-aroni Book Launch

I’ll be reading from all four Exponential Apocalypse books and straight-up giving away limited, out-of-print, signed, first and second editions of Exponential Apocalypse. There will also be coffee and donuts if that’s more your thing.

Also, if you’re on LibraryThing, I’m giving away 100 e-copies of each book and all I’m asking for is a review. I’d link to the giveaways themselves, but their user interface is kind of terrible and I can’t figure out how to do that.
Continue reading

Goings On

In case you missed it, I talked with the inimitable Frank Edler on the Bizzong podcast last week. Click here to listen to it right now. We talk about all kinds of stuff, including how I should be more famous but I’m not because I don’t understand social media!

Also, after selling out the first batch of Revenge-aroni books, I got a brand new shipment. Look!

Box of Revenge-aroni

If you’re interested in a signed paperback, let me know. 10 bucks each plus 3 for shipping. I think I’ve got enough this time. In theory I might need some of these for a book launch, but I’m less than certain that’s happening at this point. Anyway, I’ve got copies of the other three books too.

Speaking of Revenge-aroni, if you’ve read it and enjoyed it, please leave a review! And, look, here are the links!

Amazon
Goodreads

Thank you!

Independent Bookstore Day

Not to be a contrarian asshole or anything, but why does everyone love independent bookstores? I am sincerely asking. Because I have not had great experiences.

As a reader, I kind of get it. There’s a certain thrill to buying a ratty copy of the The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin for a dollar, but those finds are few and far between for me. And if they don’t have what you want, I honestly don’t understand why you would pay more and wait longer for a bookstore to order a copy when you could get it from Amazon. Is it solely the anti-corporate, buy-local thing? ‘Cause I get that, but I’m also broke almost all the time and prescriptions still aren’t cheap.

As an author, though, I really don’t fucking get it. I know a lot of authors have great success with getting their books into independent stores and doing readings there and stuff, but almost all of my experiences have been straight-up embarrassing, if not insulting.

In New Jersey, when Exponential Apocalypse first came out, I went to several bookstores in Montclair and was all but laughed out. They said they couldn’t spare the shelf space for someone just starting out. Which I get, but it did seem to run counter to their “we support local authors” ethos. It’s not like I was running off shitty copies at Kinkos. Plus they seemed super annoyed that I even asked.

Albuquerque was a little better in that I actually got my books onto a few stores’ shelves, but even then, one of the stores charged me a stocking fee and returned my books after three months because they didn’t sell. Which didn’t really seem fair since they had my books hidden in a corner. I had to literally climb over stuff to find them. Suffice it to say, I lost money on that endeavor and haven’t tried to get any of the newer books in there. One of the other stores is currently considering letting me do a book signing there (on consignment, of course) for Revenge-aroni, but they want to make sure they can’t get someone bigger instead.

The local Barnes & Noble, meanwhile, purchased five copies of all of my books for their store before I’d even finished talking with them.

So, again, legitimately asking: What am I missing? What am I doing wrong? Am I expecting too much from these stores? Or is this just the way it is?